It’s all well and good having high levels of physical health, but this becomes all too difficult to maintain if you don’t hold yourself in good esteem, or think highly of yourself in your own brain.
This was something I used to struggle with very much.
I was strong and capable as a teenager, but I couldn’t put this to good use because of what was holding me back.
What was holding me back was my mindset.
To change this, I worked on controlling my thoughts and emotions for over a year, to where I am now, a point where I’m juggling building online and studying in university, whilst working out and keeping my body in top condition.
These three books were the most useful when undergoing this process, so I wanted to share them with you in this piece. Enjoy…
The Flinch by Julien Smith
This book is incredible, but it sneaks under the radar of many people. You can’t find it on Amazon, but you can obtain a PDF by searching the title and author in a search engine, which is how I got hold of a copy.
I can’t exactly remember where I was recommended this book, but I’m getting vague memories of an archived blog post in a corner of the internet that I accessed using the Wayback Machine.
Smith talks about two people — a trained boxer, and a novice boxer.
The trained boxer has learned to flinch through getting hit, whilst the novice still cringes and shies away whenever a fist comes towards him.
This continues as a metaphor for real life — we experience this moment where all the uncertainty and impostor syndrome and overthinking hits us and we struggle to act. This is “The Flinch”.
When humans were uncivilized and wild, The Flinch protected us from predators, losing our tribe and other fundamental survival factors. Unfortunately, nowadays we’ve trained The Flinch to be overprotective, with many people feeling it if they have to make a phone call or decide about something.
The most successful people notice The Flinch but act anyway because they know it’s holding them back. The best way to learn is to fight it and learn from the outcome. If something goes wrong, you know how you can do better next time. Better than not trying at all.
The rest of us back down when faced with The Flinch. We don’t want to experience the pain of growth, so we give up.
The book goes through the science behind The Flinch and the actionable steps we can take to lessen its effects and unlock our true potential in life.
If you’re looking for actionable advice for your mindset and for taking action, this book is second-to-none. One of the most impactful reads of my life.
The Way of the Superior Man by David Deida
A spiritual handbook to help with purpose and self-actualisation.
Focusing on improving your mindset and values from the perspective of someone with a masculine essence (often, but not always, a man), this book talks about how you can build a sense of purpose by uncovering and achieving certain goals sequentially as you progress through life. With each layer of purpose achieved, you move closer to self-actualisation and being enlightened.
The author, David Deida offers advice to ‘live at your edge’ as a masculine character, so that you can be more authentic and relatable to those around you, and so you don’t waste your potential. He talks about optimising relationships from a masculine perspective, with your father, your significant other and any other companions in your life.
The book also touches on emotion and how to control it. I’ve found this book very helpful in aligning my life more with my inner masculine nature, which makes me feel more fulfilled and driven going through day-to-day life.
I won’t go into as much detail as I did for The Flinch, because this work is only really relevant if you have a masculine essence, but the feminine might gain some level of comprehension by giving the book a quick read.
How to Win Friends and Influence People by Dale Carnegie
To put it bluntly, this book showed me that I started out as not a very nice person to be around.
It taught me to see others in a better light, to deflate my ego and to make the people I’m around feel better about themselves.
Having good relationships with people is paramount for your mental health, and building a positive growth mindset for your life. Make friends with people, connect in a healthy way and you’ll start to feel happier and more confident.
This book is like the Bible of social skills. It talks about how to convince, befriend, defuse arguments, win debates, compliment, build charisma and more. All the points are backed up from examples in Carnegie’s life, or in stories that he’s been told.
This book is old but gold — it’s proof of its efficacy that the principles inside still hold completely true to this day. The test of time has not changed human psychology much at all in the last hundred years, and at the root of things, this is what the book talks about, albeit in an easy-to-digest and actionable way.
This helped me surround myself with good people, important when I moved to university and had to build friendships without knowing anyone in the city I’m in.
These are the top three books that improved my mindset over the last couple of years. I hope that you can take away at least one recommendation from this list, and as always, thanks for reading!